Wednesday, October 26, 2005

If you have something nice to say...
...you should say it—especially if you usually rant and rave about the tiniest things, sometimes very meanly. So, here we go...

I usually rip on CNN.com pretty hard. Every now and then, though, they pick up a story that I probably wouldn't have seen anywhere else and I'm glad to come across. Today's example is a report on the death of the voice of the Jolly Green Giant. As soon as I read that, I heard the "Ho ho ho," ring clearly in my head. He's no Rosa Parks, of course, but he's someone that was incredibly familiar and yet entirley unknown to millions of people—I'm glad his passing was noted.

Now, in lieu of a moment of silence, let's all celebrate his life with a brief "Ho ho ho, greeeeeeeeeeeeen giant."

2 comments:

philq said...

The Decline and Fall of the Worlds Oldest Cheerleader

Everybody knew somehow that Dick Clark’s gig as the Worlds Oldest Teenager would eventually come to an end. After all, there is no provision in popular culture for an 80 year old teenager; after a while even the most vacant among us realize that he’s just an empty husk, a painted-up old man masquerading as a child. In the end all one can do is turn away from the tawdry, sorry spectacle.

Well, George Bush’s reign as the Worlds Oldest Cheerleader seems to be reaching the same sorry conclusion. All but the most vacant among us knew that, similar to Clark, Bush was masquerading as a competent leader. Like Clark, Bush too is now revealed to be what he was all along; an empty husk, a tired old man grasping to the last for what the sentient among us knew all along he never was. As his presidency reaches its well-deserved conclusion, imploding into a worthless pile of shit, here too I expect that eventually we’ll need to turn away from the tired, tawdry spectacle of the 59 year old cheerleader listlessly waving his red white and blue pompoms while covered in his own excrement.

Bush suddenly looks lost and forlorn; the foul bastard seems to have aged 10 yeas in the last month. The colossal pyramid of lies, deceptions and half-truths has finally come crashing down on the band of sissy-hawks at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The slimy Rove and the chameleon Libby twist slowly in the stinking breeze, unable to help their bosses stem the steady shitrain. The Republican Congress can’t help either, what with the spectacle of that cockroach Delay offering to help the plastizoid stick figure Frist launder the remains of his ill-gotten millions. Former goose-stepping GOPatriots like Santorum and Brownback drag themselves away from their mirrors only long enough to issue the occasional guttural unpleasantry, well aware that the current crisis could drive them even further under their rocks. The Sunday talk shows are left to the sacrificial sheep Kay Bailey Hutchinson and George Allen who can only impotently deliver the thoroughly discredited Administration line through clenched jaws and hope for revenge against the party hacks and snakes that put them up to it. You know that things have gotten bad for Republicans when that bloodthirsty whore Pat Robertson seems like their lone voice of reason. Seated at the right hand of the devil, Richard Nixon looks on with a knowing, bemused gaze; he’s saving a good seat for his friend Cheney.

The sorry pack of charlatan scumbags that make up the GOP Congressional Majority surely must know that their days are numbered. But instead of circling the wagons in a defensive position they remain grimly on the offensive against the same folks who elected them. They know they their legacy is secure; along with Bush they have managed to increase non-defense discretionary spending at a rate exceeding that under LBJ. Unlike LBJ though, ordinary Americans won’t taste any of the spoils. While LBJ diverted your tax dollars to those who needed them, Bush and the GOP have overseen a massive re-distribution of wealth to those who don’t need it. The recent highway bill is but the most recent example, the pork is legendary but the GOP sticks to Tom Delay’s script that they have pared it to the bone. Through their talk radio outlets the GOP sends out another grim message to the compliant masses that they should take their screwing like men. Listeners are puzzled about why they should pay for that bridge to nowhere in Alaska and they can’t figure out why as part of the energy bill the GOP has given Exxon Mobil, who already has $27 billion in cash, another $2.5 billion of their tax dollars. But they are conditioned by 5 years of talk radio, Fox News and by willing self-deception to accept their screwing with stoic compliance. Their reward, they’re told, will come in the afterlife; their earthly rewards are being diverted to the drug companies and Halliburton.

As the GOP Ship of State lurches further to starboard the desperate rats on board continue to flail away at their countrymen. They’ll pay for a capital gains tax cut (which benefits only the top 1% of Americans) by cutting your grandmother’s health insurance. They’ll build Don Young’s bridge, divert billions to Archer Daniels Midland, Halliburton and the large drug companies, passing the costs on to your children and grandchildren. Oh yeah, and don’t forget their claim to be the party of morality!

So the Bush house of cards is collapsing. With it will hopefully come some blessed fiscal relief from the incessant rape that the GOP has bestowed upon their loyal subjects for the last 5 years. Bush and the GOP Congress know that if the people in the heartland grow weary of the talk radio pimps and liars encouraging them to continue to deceive themselves about the motivation of their “leaders” it’s all over. After years of willing self-immolation they’ll be burning for revenge against the pious scumbags who offered them soothing reassurance on social issues while at the same time stealing their wallets. After all, they’ll reason, who gives a shit about stem cells when they can’t pay the mortgage? Will they or their kids and grandkids really care about who is legally allowed to get married when they’re drowning under a colossal sea of debt incurred by Bush and their leaders to reward the wealthy? Who’ll want to argue about intelligent design when we’re all in constant danger from terrorists as a result of Bush’s disastrous Iraq war?

So as the Bushtanic lists even more dangerously, the right wing talkmeisters and sycophantic bloggers rush furiously around rearranging the deck chairs, well aware of the grim reality that their discredited days of encouraging compliant Americans to kick their own asses are numbered. They’re aware that pulling the inflation cords on their personal flotation devices will surely break the permanent bond between their lips and Bush’s ass, but they know that they must either flee the sinking presidency or go down along with it. The most merciful conclusion for the sake of the country would be for the foul craft to sink swiftly to the bottom, leaving a nasty, slimy residue that it will take the rest of us years to clean up. Whether by gravity or by God, would that it were so

The Man said...

"Bushtanic"...that is rich. Ha Ha.